Wednesday, November 12, 2008


Help...I've fallen into a rut and can't get out. Do you think they make a life alert button for this? When did this happen...I don't know. Lately I have been feeling like a robot, just going through the motions, the same motions, day after day after day.

I have been married now for about a year and a half, and in this relationship for a little over 3 years. Prior to this I was single for nearly 10 years. I dated, but mostly had insignificant un-serious relationships.

During my single years I was admittedly lonely for adult companionship but I had my son and we are very close because of this time we had together. Even though I was lonely at times I don't remember feeling stagnant with my life. Granted being single there wasn't always extra money to do certain things or travel but I still feel like my son and I did things and had fun. We always made the most of what we had. I used to go scrap booking every month, I played bingo with my best friend and I used to sit for hours and days on end sometimes cross stitching.

Well...I haven't been able to play bingo in months due to financial reasons. I tried to cross stitch again about a month ago but got too many complaints from the family about my stuff being out in the living room and I haven't scrap booked since I met my husband over 3 years ago. In fact all of my scrap booking supplies and photos are buried in a closet and I can't even get them out if I wanted to.

When did this happen? When did my life start to consist of getting up and going to work everyday, coming home too tired to do much, but still have to cook, clean, help with homework etc. When do I get some Sherry time? When can I have this time without feeling guilty about it? Why is it so much easier for my husband to just say "I'm going fishing tomorrow" and that's that. He can take off for a day and it doesn't phase anything or anyone, maybe just me. I get angry or jealous that he can just take off without a thought, yet I beat myself up and feel guilty when I do it or just even think about it.

Growing up I always watched my Mom take care of the house, the kids, the cooking, the cleaning, the everything...and she worked full time. When I watched my Dad he was mostly watching TV. I don't know that I ever saw him clean anything. I know he never cooked anything. This was acceptable, I guess...looking back now I know it wasn't. My Mom gave up so much of herself for everyone else. At 19 years old it was upsetting to me that my parents got divorced after 24 years of marriage, but I realize now that my Mom was saving her own life. Now that she is retired she calls me so excited because she is going to dinner with the girls. Or she is going away for the weekend to quilt with the girls. She is like a little girl going to her first play date. I wish she could have had this kind of fun when she was younger. I may never understand why she chose to give up herself when she was younger. I just know that I see myself following in her path. I don't want to wake up one day and wonder what happened to my life. I want to start living now!


Vicki Clifton said...

I soooo understand!

Tamara Jansen said...

Here's my suggestion, for what it's worth......organize a date night for once a week with the hubster. One week you pick, next week he picks. Make sure you really go all out in planning for your date, just like when you were still single. Take time for each other at least once a week.....and don't forget to recharge your own batteries too.

Take time to do something fun for yourself once a day.....make it your reward for getting the kitchen clean or doing a load of laundry. Not something big but something you find inspiring. Whatever it is, call a friend, send out christmas cards, take some photos, it should make you smile and you'll start feeling more energized and alive. :)


Couch Psychiatrist and Greenhouse Mama

PKing Man said...

Husbands can feel like they are in a rut too. Don't know if that helps or not. It sounds like your husband is pretty good about taking care of himself and getting out, and you are a great wife to support that.

I encourage you to take time to do something fun for yourself too. But don't limit it to small things during the day. You should feel free to take your equivalent of that Saturday fishing trip.

I know that when Lori asks to take a special day, I try to agree and support that as immediately as possible. God knows, I've taken more than a few.

My experience has been that she is more reluctant to take those days than I am reluctant for her to take them. Trust that your husband will as gracious as you have been. And if he is not, then work that issue. Don't resign yourself to a rut. Carpe diem!