Saturday, December 20, 2008

Parking Lot Mamas' Guide to Last-Minute Gifts

So you're all ready for the holidays, except for maybe three gifts for those hard-to-buy-for people. Perhaps you need something for your husband who basically has everything, or you need a gift for your Aunt Edna, who just announced that she's coming for the holidays. Or maybe you need something for your new brother-in-law, whom you know nothing about except for the fact that he's an accountant in Indiana. Have no fear, the Parking Lot Mamas' Gift Guide is here!

But before we get to that, let's review a few basics of what NOT to give during the holidays:

1. Body slimmers. Husbands, do not give your wife Spanx, Bodyslimmers, or control-top underwear. This should be obvious. The same rule applies to anti-aging creams, gift certificates for Botox, Alli weight loss pills, and diet cookbooks.

2. Lingerie. If you must buy lingerie, please make sure you have the right size. My poor husband bought some lingerie for me 12 years ago - four sizes too big. That was the end of lingerie gifts.

3. Do not re-gift stuff that is obviously used. A friend of mine recently received a set of Conair hair rollers, with hair still on the rollers!!

4. If you need to get a teenager something, and you don't have one yourself, please ask someone with teens for advice. A Spiderman sleeping bag, marker pens, or Pokemon movies are just not cool for a teen.

So here we go - the ultimate gift guide for those hard-to-please people on your list.

For the teenager - Sarcastic t-shirts are always a hit. Threadless has some fun ones, including "Being Vague is Almost as Fun as Doing This Other Thing..." and "I Listen to Bands That Don't Even Exist Yet."

For the daughter who's permanently connected to her iPod - the pink Speakal iPod speaker system packs five total drivers (including a 4-inch subwoofer), adjustable bass controls, and 360-degree sound distribution into a cute pink pig. I guarantee her friends don't have one yet.

For the son who hates being dragged along on vacations - If your son is in the "it's not cool to be seen with my parents" stage, and you're on the beach for a day of "family bonding" while snorkeling, then slip him this ultra-cool underwater digital camera mask. He'll quickly forget why he's so cranky because he'll be taking photos and videos of all the underwater wildlife.

For the husband who has everything - If your hubbie is a serious email junkie, then plop down a whopping $17 for this ingenious USB Webmail Notifier, a cool looking "envelope" that softly glows when new email arrives in his inbox. Since it's USB-powered, he won't have to worry about stuffing batteries in it every week.

For the wife who runs the household - The Audiovox Homebase Digital Media Center is every SAHM's dream. It sticks on your fridge and includes a 7-inch display, a dry erase board, digital clock, Post-it pad and an LED message indicator. I'd put this on the door to our garage so we can check it before rushing to school.

For the dog who doesn't want another Xmas sweater - Fido will wow all his canine friends with a Plexidor Electronic doggie door. Replace your regular flap doggie door that screams "ROB THIS HOUSE" with this sweet electronic dog door. Your dog wears an RFID chip on his collar, and when he approaches the door, it automatically swooshes open. Very Jetsonesque.

For the grandma - Obviously anything handmade from the grandkids is a sure winner. But if she has a hard time remembering where she put her keys, Brookstone's wireless key finder will locate her lost keys with just the press of a button. Simply press one of the color-coded pager buttons on the wireless transmitter, and the matching key fob will answer with a loud alarm.

For the geek in your life - The electronic t-shirt with playable drum kit. Hit the drums on this shirt with your finger and they play through the built in speaker. It comes with 7 different drum sounds for the ultimate in chest-based drum solos.

For Fred From Sheboygan- If these gift ideas are just too mainstream for you, and you need to get something creative for your "comedian" cousin whose bacon flavored dental floss is his favorite possession , then head on over to and check out their, um, desktop organizer.


Nanny Goats In Panties said...

ack! That reminds me! I was going to get my roommate a sarcastic T-Shirt and forgot all about it! Thanks for the reminder!

Stacey Hager said...

I'm ordering the lost key contraption for my mother immediately! Can you attach it to sunglasses too?

Lori said...

I wish we could attach it to my sons' homework assignments! Or socks!

Brandy said...

I want every single thing on this list. And I don't even have a dog.

Oh2122 said...

That's great!

Can you please take out national ad space or rent a billboard for #'s 1 and 2?